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APPLICATION FOR PERMISSION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER

NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, linage and current medical report from your doctor. Please be prepared to submit additional information (like psychological profile and polygraph test) as required.

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1. Name:___________________________Date of Birth:______________________ 2. Height:____________ Weight:____________ I.Q.___________ GPA:_________ 3. Social Security Number:___________________ Driver's License #:____________ 4. Boy Scout Rank:___________________________________________________ 5. Home Address:____________________________ City:____________________ 6. State:____________________________ Zip Code:_______________________

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7. How far can you run: 40 yards?_______________ 2 miles?___________________
8. Do you own a? A)Van____ B)Truck with oversized tires?_____ C)Waterbed?_____ Do you have an earring, nose ring or belly button ring?__________ Tatoo?_________ NOTE: If you answered YES to any part of questions #8, discontinue the application process and leave the premises!
9. In 50 words or less, what does "LATE" mean to you?__________________________
_________________________________________________________________ 10. In 50 words or less, what does "DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER" mean to you?__ _________________________________________________________________
11. In 50 words or less, what does "ABSTINENCE" mean to you?__________________ _________________________________________________________________
12. Church you Attend:___________________ How often do you attend?____________
13. When would be the best time to interview your father, mother and minister?_________
14. Answer by filling in the blanks. Please answer freely. All answers are confidential.
(That means I won't tell anyone, ever)
* If I were shot, the last place on my body I would want to be wounded is the__________.
* If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is___________________________.
* A Women's place is in the _________________________.
* The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is__________________.
* In the unfortunate event of my untimely death, I would like______________to be contacted.
* My greatest fear is__________________________________________.
* When I first meet a girl, the first thing I notice about her is her___________________.
NOTE: If the answer to the last question begins with a "B", discontinue the application process and leave the premises. Keep your head low and running in a serpentine fashion is advised.
15. What do you want to be "IF" you grow up?____________________________
16. Have you ever been fingerprinted?______ Had a DNA sample taken and recorded?_________
17. Your dentist is__________________ Emergency phone #_________________________

I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT, UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE AND/OR HOT POKERS. Signature(This means sign your name)________________________

Thank you for your interest. Please allow 4-6 years for processing. You will be contacted in writing if you are approved. Please do not try to call or write. (It could cause disqualification and injury to your body.)

If your application is rejected, you will be notified by two men wearing white ties and answering to the names GUIDO and LOUIE.